14 years ago
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Brief Delay
Hey interent, sorry for the sporadicism (is that a word?) somehwat crazy times lately, but I'll be back on track soon with updates, I promise. Also, i apologize to anyone who thought, based on the titles, that this would be a play about late underwear.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Old Timey Times
AT RISE:
SIR EDMUND WIGGLEBOTTOM and his most favored SCRIBE!
SEW:
I demand of you a play of true substance!
SCRIBE:
Would that be substance in a more metaphorical sense, or substance in terms of mass of the contents?
SEW:
I do not require a heavy play, my young scribbler. Seek not to pad the page length for mere weight considerations.
SCRIBE:
I shall jot that down, m'lord. Now in terms of metaphorical substance are we talking depth of meaning, or rather weight of the personnages contained therein?
A beat.
SEW:
Are you insulting my weight?
SCRIBE:
Never.
SEW:
I should hope not. Furthermore, if no insults are to be forthcoming, I should think it obvious the type of substance I was referring to.
SCRIBE:
Of course m'lord.
SEW:
Excellent. Have you a title in mind?
SCRIBE:
Of course.
SEW:
And what would that be?
SCRIBE:
"Donuts".
Rim shot!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
SIR EDMUND WIGGLEBOTTOM and his most favored SCRIBE!
SEW:
I demand of you a play of true substance!
SCRIBE:
Would that be substance in a more metaphorical sense, or substance in terms of mass of the contents?
SEW:
I do not require a heavy play, my young scribbler. Seek not to pad the page length for mere weight considerations.
SCRIBE:
I shall jot that down, m'lord. Now in terms of metaphorical substance are we talking depth of meaning, or rather weight of the personnages contained therein?
A beat.
SEW:
Are you insulting my weight?
SCRIBE:
Never.
SEW:
I should hope not. Furthermore, if no insults are to be forthcoming, I should think it obvious the type of substance I was referring to.
SCRIBE:
Of course m'lord.
SEW:
Excellent. Have you a title in mind?
SCRIBE:
Of course.
SEW:
And what would that be?
SCRIBE:
"Donuts".
Rim shot!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Instant Re-play
AT RISE:
Two GAWKERS:
GAWKER 1:
Wow! That thing we just saw was truly a singular display of originality and creativity!
GAWKER 2:
I'll say! It opened my mind to hertofore unrealized levels of bliss and enlightenment! All within the veneer of extreme hilarity and accesibility!
GAWKER 1:
Truly this is the dawning of a new age in creative expression in the field of comedy! And all thanks to that one guy, who will be famous for that thing alone!
GAWKER 2:
Yes that moment that just happened, that is to say the momement immediately preceeding this exchange, was truly the high point of my very life, and the lives of everyone who witnessed it's genius!
GAWKER 1:
But however can we follow up such a happening? What do we do now?
GAWKER 2:
I'm gonna poop!
GAWKER 1:
...
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
Two GAWKERS:
GAWKER 1:
Wow! That thing we just saw was truly a singular display of originality and creativity!
GAWKER 2:
I'll say! It opened my mind to hertofore unrealized levels of bliss and enlightenment! All within the veneer of extreme hilarity and accesibility!
GAWKER 1:
Truly this is the dawning of a new age in creative expression in the field of comedy! And all thanks to that one guy, who will be famous for that thing alone!
GAWKER 2:
Yes that moment that just happened, that is to say the momement immediately preceeding this exchange, was truly the high point of my very life, and the lives of everyone who witnessed it's genius!
GAWKER 1:
But however can we follow up such a happening? What do we do now?
GAWKER 2:
I'm gonna poop!
GAWKER 1:
...
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Dudes
AT RISE:
DUDES.
DUDE 1:
Dude, make a cat noise!
DUDE 2:
Meow!
DUDE 1:
AWESOME!
DUDE 2:
That was truly awesome! And it contained everything that creative writing classes teach us that we need from a well constructed story!
DUDE 1:
This was a far deeper experience than I expected from the inciting incident.
DUDE:
Truly the world is a magical place.
Hugs abound!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
DUDES.
DUDE 1:
Dude, make a cat noise!
DUDE 2:
Meow!
DUDE 1:
AWESOME!
DUDE 2:
That was truly awesome! And it contained everything that creative writing classes teach us that we need from a well constructed story!
DUDE 1:
This was a far deeper experience than I expected from the inciting incident.
DUDE:
Truly the world is a magical place.
Hugs abound!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
Space Giraffe
AT RISE:
Two GUYS.
GUY 1:
The world is running out of stories!
GUY 2:
Elucidate that point.
GUY 1:
Everything has been told already! All that's left is refinement of currently existing tall tales!
GUY 2:
That can't be true.
GUY 1:
I beg to differ.
GUY 2:
Then we have a challenge upon us!
GUY 1:
That's one way of looking at it.
GUY 2:
I'll start. Space Giraffe.
GUY 1:
Why would there be a giraffe in space?
GUY 2:
Exactly. Expand!
GUY 1:
Space Giraffe and his friend Gary escape from the diner where Space Giraffe works and fly into space using Gary's front lawn as a flying machine.
GUY 2:
Why are they going to space?
GUY 1:
Space Giraffe wants a roast beef sandwich.
GUY 2:
Where are they going to find it?
GUY 1:
Nowhere. There are no cows in space nor bread. So they fly to Mars and use genetic material found at the polar ice caps to engineer a bush that grows roast beef sandwiches, and then use that technology as the vanguard for an invasion of the Moon, easily accomplished to its lack of population.
GUY 2:
How does it end?
GUY 1:
Gary and Space Giraffe fly Gary's Lawn into the Sun, to live forever in peace at its core.
GUY 2:
The end.
GUY 1:
Okay, that was a little original.
GUY 2:
Yet still a pastiche of common story elements thrown together randomly.
GUY 1:
See?
GUY 2:
Point proven! All that is left is trued and true stories told well!
GUY 1:
And explosions!
GUY 2:
Of-
EXPLOSIONS!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
Two GUYS.
GUY 1:
The world is running out of stories!
GUY 2:
Elucidate that point.
GUY 1:
Everything has been told already! All that's left is refinement of currently existing tall tales!
GUY 2:
That can't be true.
GUY 1:
I beg to differ.
GUY 2:
Then we have a challenge upon us!
GUY 1:
That's one way of looking at it.
GUY 2:
I'll start. Space Giraffe.
GUY 1:
Why would there be a giraffe in space?
GUY 2:
Exactly. Expand!
GUY 1:
Space Giraffe and his friend Gary escape from the diner where Space Giraffe works and fly into space using Gary's front lawn as a flying machine.
GUY 2:
Why are they going to space?
GUY 1:
Space Giraffe wants a roast beef sandwich.
GUY 2:
Where are they going to find it?
GUY 1:
Nowhere. There are no cows in space nor bread. So they fly to Mars and use genetic material found at the polar ice caps to engineer a bush that grows roast beef sandwiches, and then use that technology as the vanguard for an invasion of the Moon, easily accomplished to its lack of population.
GUY 2:
How does it end?
GUY 1:
Gary and Space Giraffe fly Gary's Lawn into the Sun, to live forever in peace at its core.
GUY 2:
The end.
GUY 1:
Okay, that was a little original.
GUY 2:
Yet still a pastiche of common story elements thrown together randomly.
GUY 1:
See?
GUY 2:
Point proven! All that is left is trued and true stories told well!
GUY 1:
And explosions!
GUY 2:
Of-
EXPLOSIONS!
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
The Meeting
AT RISE:
DAN and PHYLLIS.
DAN:
Are we at a party?
PHYLLIS:
Nope.
DAN:
Restaurant?
PHYLLIS:
Nope.
DAN:
Public park?
PHYLLIS:
Nah.
DAN:
Are we at any sort of place where people gather socially to faciliate random meet-ups?
PHYLLIS:
'Fraid not.
DAN:
Alright, so how are we currently meeting? I mean like, now. As in right now. What we're, at this moment, doing.
PHYLLIS:
No idea. I guess it just kind of... happened. "Is happening"?
DAN:
Guess so.
(beat)
This is going to be a terrible story to tell our kids.
PHYLLIS:
We're having kids now?
DAN:
You never know.
PHYLLIS:
Ah. Some might accuse you of coming on a bit strong.
DAN:
Probably.
(beat)
I just thought it seemed like a thing to say.
PHYLLIS:
It certainly was that.
DAN:
Besides. I think this means something.
PHYLLIS:
This?
DAN:
All this. This... nothing. And then you. And me. Everything.
PHYLLIS:
Everything.
(beat)
Me too.
DAN:
All right.
PHYLLIS:
All right.
DAN:
So what's next?
Phyllis shrugs.
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
DAN and PHYLLIS.
DAN:
Are we at a party?
PHYLLIS:
Nope.
DAN:
Restaurant?
PHYLLIS:
Nope.
DAN:
Public park?
PHYLLIS:
Nah.
DAN:
Are we at any sort of place where people gather socially to faciliate random meet-ups?
PHYLLIS:
'Fraid not.
DAN:
Alright, so how are we currently meeting? I mean like, now. As in right now. What we're, at this moment, doing.
PHYLLIS:
No idea. I guess it just kind of... happened. "Is happening"?
DAN:
Guess so.
(beat)
This is going to be a terrible story to tell our kids.
PHYLLIS:
We're having kids now?
DAN:
You never know.
PHYLLIS:
Ah. Some might accuse you of coming on a bit strong.
DAN:
Probably.
(beat)
I just thought it seemed like a thing to say.
PHYLLIS:
It certainly was that.
DAN:
Besides. I think this means something.
PHYLLIS:
This?
DAN:
All this. This... nothing. And then you. And me. Everything.
PHYLLIS:
Everything.
(beat)
Me too.
DAN:
All right.
PHYLLIS:
All right.
DAN:
So what's next?
Phyllis shrugs.
BLACKOUT. END PLAY.
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