A Whole New World

Hey Gang!

Long time no see. Well, for those of you who frantically check this site at any and every opportunity on the off chance something's been posted, you're in luck! Kinda. Anyhoo, I've started a new blog over at http://staufenburger.wordpress.com that should fufill your Mark Staufenberg needs. The short play fest will return, alongside some other related tomfoolery (yet to be determined. So pack up your bags and head over to the new site! Thanks for visiting!

-Mark

The Curve

AT RISE:

The AUTHOR pushes mightly against a large wall of crap. Behind the crap is a glowing, golden light that promises all good things in this world!

AUTHOR:
This is a metaphor for battling against mediocrity for inspiration! It's very direct!

The wall falls on the Author's head.

AUTHOR:
At least I have an abrupt ending to shield me from further humiliation!

There is a long, long pause.

AUTHOR:
Oh, come on!

More pausing. A small kitty walks by, unnoticed.

AUTHOR:
Hello?

A long, long, long beat. The audience checks their timepieces anxiously.

AUTHOR:
Point proven! I now know what i have to do with my

BLACKOUT. END PLAY. THANK GOD.

Gibberish

AT RISE:

JEFF and TERRY.

JEFF:
Hmm.

TERRY:
What?

JEFF:
I was going to say something.

TERRY:
Lies.

JEFF:
You know, you're right. There is a logical fallacy in the statement "I was going to say something", due to the fact that you did not actually say it. Thus in a purely literal sense, you were not "going to say" that at all! This is a deep conversation!

TERRY:
Lies.

JEFF:
You cut to the heart of me, friend.

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.

Stream of Consciousness

AT RISE:

PHIL stands expectantly, waiting for the audience to settle down.

PHIL:
Alright gang, get ready for the wackiest night of theatre ever! I'm gonna list ten things, completely at random that I will then fit together completely randomly to form, Voltron-like, a whole new experience in live entertainment! Are you ready?

AUDIENCE:
No!

PHIL:
Oh. Sorry.

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.

Tried and True

AT RISE:

A ZOMBIE and FRANK.

FRANK:
You know, to be honest, Zombie Guy, there is literally no interaction that we could have here that would not be, on some level, a cliche. If you were a smart zonbie, say. Or a normal brain-eating one. Pr some weird combination of random memes. Zombie pirate, zombie ninja. Zombie librarian, even. Fast zombie, slow zombie. It's all been done. So you can understand why I'm a little bit frustrated right now, I hope.

ZOMBIE:
...

FRANK:
Oh thank God. I was worried you were going to say "brains" or-

And the zombie bites him in the head or something. I mean, it had to happen at some point, right? That's what makes cliches cliches. On some level, the audience is very satosfied, despite themseleves.

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.