First Date

AT RISE:

A MAN sits on a swing. A WOMAN sits opposite him, reclining on a see-saw.

MAN:
Hey.

WOMAN:
Hey.

MAN:
You know, this swing is a metaphor.

WOMAN:
It is.

MAN:
Yes.

A beat.

WOMAN:
For your penis?

MAN:
Oh yeah.
(beat)
Big time.

WOMAN:
Really.

MAN:
No.

WOMAN:
Oh.

MAN:
Sorry.

WOMAN:
It's okay.

MAN:
No really, I'm sorry. I mean... I had a metaphor, but that wasn't it. It was about childhood or something. I promise. But then you went off on your little "penis" tirade, and I was just... you know, "going with the flow".

WOMAN:
The penis flow.

MAN:
No, that's just digusting. I'm... you might not be able to tell, but I am appalled right now. Truly appalled.

WOMAN:
Really.

MAN:
No.
(beat)
Can we... start over?

The woman appraises him for a long, long moment. He smiles wanly.

WOMAN:
All right.

MAN:
Yes!

WOMAN:
But I get the swing.

MAN:
Deal!

They switch places.

MAN:
So, this...uh... seeesaw is a metaphor-

WOMAN:
Let's just get some coffee.

MAN:
Right-o.

They exit; awkwardly, but together.

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.