Excitable

AT RISE:

A PANICKED MOB! Holy shit! What the fuck could be so terrifying, so panic-inducing that a mob such as this would be running around willy-nilly! If only there were someone around to ask this teeming mass of humanity the questions nescessary for the audience to have a glimpse into the gaping maw of madness that these helpless few have plummeted into!

Holy crap-balls, are we in luck! Looks like a mother-flipping REPORTER has just come on the scene!

REPORTER:
Hey guys, what's up?

At this, the most penis-twistingly sharp question of all goddamn time, the Mob sinks to their knees, happy to finally be able to share their torment!

PANICKED MOB:
Jesus Christ! Thanks for that, we were getting tired. I mean...fuck!

REPORTER:
Cool. So, what's up with all...this?

PANICKED MOB:
Nothing really, we all just ran out of milk or something.

REPORTER:
Oh. Okay.

HOLY BALLS!

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.