My Tummy Hurts, and So Do My Buns!

AT RISE:

DAVE and PHYLLIS hang out. You know, chillaxin’.

DAVE:
Phyllis, I need a new catchphrase.

PHYLLIS:
What was your old catchphrase, Dave?

DAVE:
You’ve gotta be kidding me.

PHYLLIS:
What?

DAVE:
How could you not remember?

PHYLLIS:
Easily?

DAVE:
Geez. How could you forget “More Yams, Baby!”

PHYLLIS:
You never said that.

DAVE:
Yes I did.

PHYLLIS:
When?

DAVE:
Thanksgiving. I wanted more yams, and I was all like-

PHYLLIS:
More yams, baby?

DAVE:
Exactly! I knew you’d remember.

PHYLLIS:
Did you even say it after that?

DAVE:
What possible context would I have to say “More Yams, Baby!” outside of Thanksgiving?

PHYLLIS:
This conversation is terminated.

DAVE:
But I don’t have a new catchphrase!

PHYLLIS:
You don’t have an old catchphrase!

DAVE:
Untrue!

PHYLLIS:
I don’t care! Conversation terminated!

DAVE:
But-!

PHYLLIS:
Berserker rage!

Phyllis explodes with anger, punching Dave in the belly, then kicking him square in the bottom! Unexpected! Startled at her own animosity, Phyllis darts out of the room as sirens wail in the background!

DAVE:
You’ll never get away from this…Phyllis! Never!

He leans back, in pain.

DAVE:
My tummy hurts…and so do my buns!

A beat, as a lightbulb goes off over Dave’s head!

DAVE:
That’s it!

He laughs happily as the sirens draw nearer.