Turquoise is the New Black

AT RISE:

DAN sits at a computer. STU lounges, because he’s just a loungin’ type of guy. The audience immediately hates him, but hopes for some sort of noble action on Stu’s part to turn their expectations on their ear. (SPOILER: This won’t happen. (SPOILER SPOILER: Or will it?))

DAN:
Hey Stu?

STU:
Yeah, Dan?

DAN:
I need a racial epithet.

STU:
…What?

DAN:
You know, an epithet. A word, phrase, or expression used invectively as a term of abuse or contempt, to express hostility.

STU:
Yes, I know what a racial epithet is, Daniel. I’m simply wondering why you need one.

DAN:
I just do.

STU:
Fair enough. Who for?

DAN:
Turquoise people.

STU:
What, like people from Arizona?

DAN:
Don’t be stupid. I mean like people that are turquoise.

STU:
There are no turquoise people.

DAN:
There could be.

STU:
No, there couldn’t.

DAN:
Well maybe there should be.

STU:
But there’s not.

DAN:
But if there were, wouldn’t you like to get in on the ground floor?

STU:
The ground floor of racism?

DAN:
Sure.

STU:
When did you become Hitler?

DAN:
Meh.

STU:
That’s not an answer.

DAN:
Sure it is. Just not a good one.

The two men stare at each other for a long, long beat.

STU:
Turquoise people?

DAN:
I was thinking something along the lines of “Turq-wads”

Stu opens his mouth to say something, catches himself, and instead turns on his heel and exits the room. Dan turns to the audience.

DAN:
Everybody’s a critic!

TREMENDOUS APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER!

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.