Mystery

AT RISE:

DAN eats a pear.

CECIL enters, eating a kumquat.

MARNY enters, eating an orange.

PHIL and DON (twins) enter, sharing a pineapple.

All five gather stage center and appraise each other.

DAN:
So, this is how it ends?

MARNY:
We all knew this was coming.

CECIL:
I just hoped it would be a little longer.

PHIL:
Let's not be so sentimental. We have a job to do.

DON:
He's right.

DAN:
I know. We all know. That doesn't make it any easier.

Cecil sighs.

CECIL:
I guess I'll start.

She throws he kumquat away and sits down. The others follow suit.

CECIL:
.... huh.

DAN:
What?

CECIL:
I've forgotten how this play ends.

PHIL:
What do you mean?

CECIL:
I mean I forgot the punchline.

MARNY:
Uh oh.

DAN:
How could you forget the punchline? It's the whole freakin' point!

CECIL:
I'm sorry! But, I mean, seriously? It's not liek there's some kind of logical progession in storytelling or anything.

DON:
I guess not.

PHIL:
But I mean, this all had to be leading up to something, right?

DAN:
Of course.

CECIL:
Really? 'Cause all I've seen is a bunch of people eating fruit and being cryptic. Whatever it was we were supposed to do or say would only be funny if it was completely random.

MARNY:
Logically.

CECIL:
So it could be anything!

DON:
Maybe this is the punchline?

DAN:
That's retarded.

CECIL:
Yeah, what the hell kind of ending would this be?

BLACKOUT. END PLAY.